Hi Beautiful People,
It’s been a busy couple of weeks for me, on a personal level, which has given me things to write about, hence why you’ve seen so much from me lately. I’m hoping you don’t mind!
Forgiving my Mother came up last night, and I thought it was the perfect time to put it out there.
SHOULD I FORGIVE MY MOTHER OR NOT?
Someone I love dearly shared her thoughts on my relationship with my mother. It’s been a rough road, for both of us. She had a hard life. Her pain in turn carried over into my life. I grew up in the pub, between foster homes and countless other peoples houses as she masked her pain and emotions underneath the cover of drugs and alcohol.
I of course didn’t understand growing up, all I knew was the pain and heartache of my own and our relationship. I then too, masked my own pain and emotions with drug and alcohol. It’s a vicious cycle, one I have thankfully broken!
Our relationship is so complex with so much to detail I could write a book…..
CUT A LONG STORY SHORT…..
Just over 12 months ago and over 30 years of continual pain from our broken relationship, I decided to say goodbye to her for the last time. We’d been to-ing and fro-ing between a strained relationship and silent treatment for decades. I couldn’t keep accepting and allowing the type of pain in my life anymore. I had to look after me. There was a final showdown which I wrote about here: THE Truth and it was the final calling card for me. I was done.
The beautiful woman who reminded me of forgiveness said:
“I needed to give my mother a break and forgiveness is required because she did her best and we all make mistakes.”
SHOULD I FORGIVE MY MOTHER?
I already have.
It didn’t happen overnight and even when I thought I had forgiven her, I hadn’t entirely. I had to dive even deeper and discovered a newfound compassion, not only for a woman who had a hard life, my mother, but also as another human being who came from pure love.
She never asked for any of her pain or trauma, nor did I, we are one and the same. When you speak of forgiveness, many say to forgive not for the other person, but for yourself, to free yourself, to be at peace. It’s true, however, I forgave for me AND I forgave for her too. I wanted her to release those chords of tension, pain and deep rooted emotions which undoubtedly rested inside from our heavy relationship. I wanted her to live out her days in happiness. To achieve the things she always wanted to.
She did her best. It wasn’t great, she did the best she could at the time with what she had. We all make mistakes, I know I’ve made my fair share. I can respect this. Things could have been worse. I’m grateful.
We both said and did hurtful things, this, is not the point.
I wish her joy and peace.
I WANT HER TO BE AT PEACE. I WANT HER TO FORGIVE HERSELF
I don’t need any apologies, or her forgiveness. I gave this to myself as a final parting gift. Just as I have forgiven her, it does not mean her behaviour was ok, and it doesn’t matter, I am just choosing to no longer allow the pain to affect me any longer. The act of forgiveness takes place in our mind. It has nothing to do with “them”. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean I need to accept or allow someone in my life who causes me pain.
IT’S OK TO LET PEOPLE GO, EVEN IF YOU LOVE THEM
Sometimes all you need is time apart, sometimes it’s forever. Ultimately you have to do what’s best for you. I love my mother very much, and I am eternally grateful to be alive and have the life I have. I wouldn’t be the person I am without the struggles I had growing up. So I can’t find myself to be bitter about anything. Another positive is through me, others too have been able to find it in their heart to forgive others and also my mother.
WE CAME FROM LOVE, WE MUST RETURN TO LOVE
Compassion and forgiveness can be hard to find, yet at the same time is our most basic human instinct. Woven intrinsically underneath all the hardened emotions, experience and pain we have covering it. Forgiveness is an amazing feeling, incredibly freeing when you get there.
Is there someone who wronged you? Someone you feel you can never forgive for the pain they caused you? No matter how much they hurt you, or how deep, refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Maybe just try and take a minute and realise what holding onto the pain is doing to YOU.
I gently encourage you to be open to forgiving those who have hurt you.
Take your time. Work on it in your own time, but work on it.
If you’re not ready to forgive, maybe you could say an affirmation:
I NOW CHOOSE TO BE OPEN TO RELEASING ALL HURT AND RESENTMENT
While the title of this blog asks if I should forgive my mother, and I already have, I wanted to take this opportunity to write about forgiveness as it’s so important.
Forgive me. 😉
Forgive Quickly. Love Deeply. Live Happily.
We only get one life in this body, release anything which prevents you from living your best life.